September has been a good month for the most part. If there is one overarching theme to these past thirty days, it is that when God says move, your best bet is to shuffle feet. I completed a full fast this month, go me. This month actually marked two years since I packed up and moved to Nashville, making one of the worst decisions of my adult life—which feels like a whole lifetime ago, and I've got a separate piece dedicated entirely to that milestone. I don’t have time to be sad about what could’ve been because I am about to move into my 4th apartment in this city, and the 2nd of my own. Shits about to get strict around here, but that is okay because I’ve been celebrating the past 3 months lmao. I even took myself out to a genuinely nice, fancy dinner and spent the entire evening purely in my own company, which is a luxury everyone should indulge in more often. Overall, I have had quite the fucking year, and this summer alone seemed like a whole other life chapter of its own.

I’ve been single all year. I've reconnected with nature, and my soul, and the lord, and distantly faded parts of my spirit that I thought were gone forever. I’ve overcame addictions, while occasionally smoking an entire pack of Virginia slims — but all in all, I am responsible for me. Through the power of God, I am able to keep me safe: something I’ve always wanted out of my life. I handle the unknown, have the hard conversations, make the difficult decisions. And again, all glory to God.. because I am constantly in a state of not knowing the how, or even sometimes why.. but I am now 100% confident in my ability to provide for myself and ALWAYS figure it out, no matter what.

The difference this time around is the peace. the minor preparation effort.

Hotels, first of all, are messy as fuck! It’s always some inside scoop on something. Someone always has animosity against somebody. There is always a new rumor going around, or a messy situation for the higher-ups to tackle in blatant privacy.. Chile even I had to go to HR this month!

You said quick tea time?

This stupid little raggedy bitch at my job, super dusty — tall, stale, but greasy wig wearing type, apparently went to my manager saying that she’s so sure I am selling it.. … and if you’re unaware, that’s calling me a prostitute basically. 😭 Girl! Bitch. When I heard that shit?! Like because word on the street is, they’ve (her and some random valet guy who actually did verbally say he is a jigalo) seen me with male hotel guests, in their rooms, kissing them in the hallways, leaving with flowers, and being picked up from work by random men.. one of which is my boyfriend, who I am obviously cheating on.. LMAOO like girl who pulls some shit like that out the sky and goes to AUTHORITY with such fucking nonsense, in attempt to get me to lose my job???????????????? Obviously, her raggedy ass did. It’s like girl, are you cool??? srsly. Luckily for her, I am cool with management, and whatever nigga she MAY have an issue with me over, got fired and should be facing jail time because she’s like 19 and he was 27 apparently. Like bitch pls! Not only are you likely projecting because clearly YOU’RE selling it, but also.. get real ho. If I was selling my ass?! You and I wouldn't be working at the same place honey. I’d be bent over a balcony in Spain, fucking sprawled out on a yacht deck, very much on high ticket pussy timing. Beyond that, I enjoy the connections i’ve made and have maintained as I wrap up the summer months. It’s like the universe collectively decided this was the month for social triage and community building, so I’m not mad at it.

On the dating front? Still dipping a toe in with the same guy a little bit, but I'm actively trying to wing off of it. It’s obviously not going to evoke any real longevity from either of us, so I’m good on that. We are leaving low-vibration placeholder energy in the rearview, and that sounds so harsh and rude considering I think what we have is real. LMAOOOO, like girl pls! The central fact is: just because you can “use” a man, doesn’t mean you should. This applies less from a financial standpoint, at least with this specific situation? Because in this term of being single and out for the mingle, I’ve absolutely had to turn down some financial propositions out of respect for my own pride. But with this scenario, I am speaking more on the soul side, the sexual side, the emotional side! Using a man for his masculinity, or his professional advice.. yk? that sort of thing. But, like I said:

JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD.

Some seasons, God might be calling you to learn HOW to accept help.. while others might require you lean not on your own understanding, but 100% on him.

Considering the drastic effects that my last relationship had on me, I think it’s safe to assume my assignment is to lean on the Lord right now, LMAO. Cause as soon as one thing doesn't add up with what a man says, or they press me about sex, or they say age is nothing but a number, or insinuate that them simply being present in my life has the ability to change my life for the better, the likelihood of me going ghost and sending him to the chambers of my block list, becomes significantly higher.

Tonight, on my two-year anniversary in this city, I am sitting alone at Le Loup after grabbing dinner at The Optimist. And honestly? I am too stunned to speak, and a little sad— but above that: I feel honored. I feel grateful. I feel fucking empowered in my solitude.

I’ve been thinking about my experiences, and the lack thereof. I have the loves, the interests— the love interests.. especially the villains and fallen soldiers. Still, There is no one else I’d rather be sitting across from tonight than myself.

This shit is NO walk in the park, but I can truly give God the glory. I am blessed to be among the chosen few to learn these lessons early.

I am fortunate enough to be granted the space and time to mourn, to grow, to truly understand who I am vs. who it is I aim to become. I want to blog more, so expect random posts when things are brewing or milestones are being met. Time is fucking flying. I’ve been entirely on my own for eight months now. You’d think by now I would have completely mastered the art of self-care and control, but that would be a lie. I haven't cracked the code. I still dance with my vices, I still reach for quick escapes when the weight gets too heavy, and I am still very much a work in progress. But sitting here tonight, looking at how far I’ve walked through the fire, I realize that self-love isn't about being perfect—it's about staying in your own corner even when it gets messy. I survived the reset. I’m still standing. And I can’t wait to move the fuck out of this joint.

I hope the empowerment continues because the holidays are coming up and I am SICK that I am gonna spend it alone because I can’t actually pretend to be into strangers and share super personal moments like holidays with them..

Hello, Hi, How are you? I’m doing.. okay enough to be content, but discontent enough to have the desire to be better. If you looked at my journals for August, you’d see a frantic trail of receipts and locations: Red Bicycle, The Pharmacy, The 1 Hotel bar, an art show, accidentally falling asleep outside, went to the Omni, the Don Toliver Concert, and to The Night We Met since the 1st time I went and got into it with my ex.

the themes were already laid out plain as day: Hippy shit, being out of touch with spirit and reality, relapse, dating, reprioritizing, and avoidance coping.

This month, I’ve watched 5 sunsets. On August 20th, I sat up at Capitol Hill watching the clouds scatter. It was windy, pretending to be 76 degrees instead of 85, and the trees weren't doing their usual "clapping" routine for me. The sky was a split narrative—dark and gloomy on my side, but casting a faint, gorgeous pink where the sun was breaking through for whoever was lucky enough to be past the clouds. Today, on August 25th, the skies cleared up. The sun was setting with a minor breeze, the trees finally started tapping for me again, and life felt good. Not just "okay," but genuinely good—with the firm knowledge that it's about to be fabulous and amazing. Because let’s be real: even in the middle of a relapse, a girl still knows how to pivot. Let’s carve out some space to talk about dating, because my proven theory remains undefeated: getting rich men to buy you drinks and drop high-level professional knowledge for absolutely zero reason other than you're gorgeous, real, and holding your space is a science. You don't lose your edge just because you stumbled; if anything, you collect the game and keep moving.

The real tea is: there is a new love interest.

Earlier in the month: I went to Love Circle to smoke with a guy I met 5 days prior at the Real Estate Mixer. He’s cool. Almost too cool. like.. popping pussy potential cool. LMAOO, omg. Girl. At this point, we’ve hung out a few times, and only once was it not in public.. and that was the day we met. I ended up at his apartment — 😭 But anyway, why do we like him?! It’s honestly like, not concerning? because we haven’t made any moves or like, even kissed. BUT, like why do I kinda want to??????? Idk. It’s problematic. Interestingly enough, any time I’m with a guy and are about to unknowingly put myself in the position to be sexed on, my period ruins that moment the morning of. I’ve noticed that?? and it’s so ironic because I won’t even know that I’ll end up spending my evening/night with a man, but it’s like God makes sure my body subconsciously knows and conveniently inconveniences me from making a decision I might later regret. August taught me that backsliding doesn't mean you're lost for good. Every single day, the sun rises again to burn off the gloom.

We reprioritize, we drop the avoidance coping, and we step back into alignment—not because we're perfect, but because the desire for His will never actually leaves us.

This month has been a masterclass in finding my footing, cleaning up old chapters, and letting God handle the heavy lifting while I focus on stepping into who I’m becoming.

Here is a little glimpse into my July diary: where my faith is landing these days, what I’ve been up to, and of course, the matcha moments that kept me grounded through it all, cause bitch I think I’ve discovered heaven on earth and I am dying to to lyk what it gave.

• Lately, my relationship with God hasn't been about asking for quick fixes; it’s been about total surrender. It is me understanding that even with giving God pushback, this is apart of the process! I was in bible study last weekend, and I started to feel very convicted and just bad about all the sins I am struggling to lay down, and those that I’ve kinda decided dont need to be laid to rest??? But everytime I open my bible, it’s pretty much right there in bold letters lmk that , um .. it probably is wise for me to lay them down, seeing as though I obviously fucking know better and are beginning to feel guilt for doing said things?

• I’ve been on a few dates? maybe less than a few? To be exact: 2 different formal dates and a few random star alignment moments that involved men LMFAO. I am very much still not in the mood for “dating dating”, but sometimes I remember I am a single adult woman and might go out and stretch my social butterfly wings.

• July was all about reclaiming my agency and making moves that future-me will thank me for. My biggest piece of advice for this season? Do not let uncomfortable transition periods bully you out of your vision. It is easier said than done, especially when life is coming at you at 2,000 mph, it’s like omg! We’re just girls 😩. But at the end of the day? The fucking day is gonna end, and we’ll be stronger women when it does. <3333

  To anyone else navigating a heavy shift or rebuilding their confidence: trust the seed you planted. Life goes on, the moves get bigger, and the best parts are still ahead.

"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing."

• JOHN 15:5 KJV

I have a confession:

I am delusional and are addicted to creating fake scenarios: using them as a way to "pre-live" my life, control the outcomes of situations, or feed my own ego. I used to treat people based on who my mind told me they were, rather than seeing them for who they actually were, which only resulted in self-idolatry and bitterness. I realized that drama was once my defense mechanism, a way I thought I was protecting my heart, but it became a platform for resentment. I am learning that while my heart can be deceitful and capable of lying to me to protect my ego, but fret not: apparently I am not a narcissist; I simply struggle with self-absorption and a need to surrender.

the first step to true healing is to ✨address it✨

Healing for me has meant asking myself difficult questions, like whether I am merely remembering or rehearsing the past, and what I am spending my emotional currency on. I am learning to tolerate unresolved feelings better and to replace investigation with action, making sure to name the emotion rather than the story. — and the beautiful part about life is, the story continues and it’s never too late to begin a new one. I’ve had some amazing firsts this month. I’ve had great dinners, maintained sobriety for 2 secs, discovered new methods to emotional regulation, and spent a lot of intimate time with my father. The new love of my life is a daily 3 hour walk in my neighborhood’s local park. June didn’t feel like a month; it felt like a curriculum. It was a 30-day masterclass in showing up, even when my body wanted to stay in the pacing-the-living-room loop. I’m trading my idle time for movement—my Apple Health app tells me I’ve added 3,000 steps to my daily average, putting me at a steady 10,300 steps a day.

I’ve also had a "diverse" month of suitors. I’m still standing firm in my singleness—not because I’m closed off, but because this chapter of my life is for my Father, my Lord, and for me. I went on 2 dates this month.. and I hate that for me because not only did I say I was done dating, but I’m finding that once guys get a taste of this mixture of raw, refreshing energy, they want to "lock it down" before they even know who I am. There is 0 reason why on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date, a man would be discussing marriage or how they see a relationship moving in a certain direction?? using the word relationship even, that’s just too much for me!

to the girl who feels like a “bad Christian”:

you’re not alone - both in essence and in spirit.

There is a specific peace buried deep within my ribcage that tells me God hasn't abandoned me to the mess; my prayers might sound completely frantic and backed by insecurity, but the storm is really just clearing out the fake ass hoes who CANNOT go where I'm going, and the habits that would hinder the sustenance of my success. I know I will prevail because he has never once turned his back on me. It will get greater later (super fucking soon, I smell it, because it kind of already has), and 2 Corinthians 1:2-5 comforts me in knowing such. I will be the voice of guidance and faith for the future — maybe comforting people going through the darkest time of their life, through MY testimony.

In a strange way, I have such gratitude for this season in my life. This is an important part of my history, and ultimate come-up – Because when you genuinely hit rock bottom? There’s only one way to go; and it’s up. I’m already so inspired by my future self, and though I am working on the grant of grace, and rebuilding my professional confidence.. I am so incredibly proud of who I am, and everything I stand for.

and then, girl, I could touch on the suddenly fake friends I no longer have, but I have bigger fish to fry, so let’s talk about this roster — or the forced lack thereof. I am currently in a state of wanting to be truly, aggressively single. I find it deeply offensive and genuinely annoying when men find the audacity in their lungs.. Or the fucking muscles in their thumbs – to reach out to me right now. Like, I am genuinely scared of anyone who finds me to be something worth dating, at a time like now.. because obviously I know what’s wrong with me.. but something has to be wrong with you if you smell “compatibility” on a person who’s in the darkest part of of their life and very obviously in the obnoxious part of their 20s????? I’ve gotten a taste of being single, and I can see that my caliber of man is elevating, so yay.

But never underestimate the power in having your own. I wish I’d never have trusted a man, because now I bask in the consequence of trying to choose loving a man more than I love my independence… 5 months ago, I vowed that I would never give another man the opportunity to betray me, or my livelihood.

and I meant that.

If you didn’t know, you know now - April 25th is DLFCE DAY, and will forever be the honoring day I initially filed my first ever LLC in Oregon <3 .

They tell you that growth is a slow, quiet crawl toward the sun, but they lie.

Real growth is Dehiscence—the violent, necessary splitting of the pod because you’ve become too big for the container you were born in. This April, my container finally shattered. Eventually though, you realize the gloom is just the shade you need to finish germinating.

The real tea was after dinner, he took me to Old Glory, which was a subterranean bar somewhere on Music Row? I fucking loved it, had live music, dim lights, and good cocktails. Then we spent the next few days together. Him and I met at Bar Taco, and he did take me back there, but some new spots I can say I’ve been to, Love Alibi, Mother’s Ruin, Barrel Proof, and some other fun spot that has action figures and is an arcade — can’t remember the name though.  

Saturn is currently moving through my house of daily work and routine, acting like a cosmic janitor. It’s that "Return to Sender" karma, but not the kind that punishes. It’s the kind that bets out every shitbag person, poor habit, and mediocre "safety net" that won't be able to elevate with me to the next level. It’s the universe saying, "You can’t sit with us if you’re still holding onto a retail key.”

You don’t meet this much resistance when you’re headed in the wrong direction.

The burnout I’m feeling isn't a sign of weakness—it’s the signal that the soil in this current career has been depleted and I’ve officially outgrown the flower bed.

I can feel the energetic weight of this season pushing me toward a definitive finish line. There is a heavy, transformative pressure in my life right now that is forcing me to shed the performative makeup artist persona, and push toward my complete identity. It’s not just a change of heart; it’s a soul-level requirement. I’ve reached a point where my internal compass is spinning so fast it’s basically recalibrating my entire North Star. My north node is in Gemini, so I know I am meant to speak, and advocate, but also to manage big money, assets, and intense relationships. I’m literally at the fucking threshold but bitch, it’s a lot!

and that’s okay? because bitch we do it scared!!

They say it takes 21 days to form a habit, but it takes exactly 104 to perform a purge. 3 Mos. & 14 Days— the calculated and allotted span of grace I allow lames to linger before I say fuck them forever? ends today! The girls are rekindling an old flame, talking to older men, being a great mom, being stalked and harassed, and planting permanent seeds for success. While they are busy quoting my vlogs, studying my website, and blocking/reporting my account out of fear, I am busy expanding the brand. You can’t antagonize a woman who doesn't compete in the scum league, but you can 100% piss me the fuck off.

Sitting on the phone with a suicide hotline for over 3 hours became the final spiritual awakening; it was the moment I realized that the sorrow I was feeling wasn’t meant to break me, but to move me.

I called this life into existence when I had nothing but a suitcase and a prayer, and today, I am living in the evidence of Romans 4:17.

Because, Bitch! Recently, I had the honor of hosting first masterclass ever! My Metamorphosis Masterclass at MAC Cosmeticsssss. Looking at the flyer—the professional shots, the signature looks, the "Pro Artist" title—it’s easy to think it was all smooth sailing. But behind the scenes?

It was a literal fucking metamorphosis moment of my own. 😩

Mind you? While I was planning this event, I was caught in the middle of a perfect storm:

• I was navigating the heavy transition of a breakup.

• I was in between housing, trying to find my footing, no money at all.

• And to top it off, the official approval didn’t come through until just two days before the event on February 12th.

• Which is crazy bc even my ex knew I wanted to do this, I submitted my first proposal in October

In the Bible (Luke 14), there’s a story about a great supper where everyone had an excuse to stay away—business, family, timing.

I could have easily used any of my "whys" as an excuse to prolong this or cancel it entirely. I was concerned it wouldn't happen, but I refused to procrastinate on my own growth.

It is the oldest story told: the man who misleads the woman not because he hates her, but because he is terrified of the garden he cannot maintain without her.

My womb remained a sealed temple because my bloodline refused to be a bridge for a man who would not protect my name, or face, in a room of white people, nor neglect the urge to cheat with local scum and jeopardize this temple’s health. Bitch, that 'unpleasantness' and lack of peace he felt was not my voice, nor my temporary era of inebriation —it was the weight of my lineage standing in the hallway, an ancestral barrier denying access to a light he never intended to honor.

They desire the “Elitism” as a mantle for their trash ass reputation, the personality to mask their silence, and the aura to heal the ghosts they are too pussy to face on their own. 

They are the sons of Adam, standing in the garden of our making, pointing at the fruit they did not plant and claiming the harvest as their birthright. Yes, energy siphoning..

Psychic fucking Vampirsm. 

Like the first man, he offered a serpent’s reassurance while leading me toward a fall.

Btw? huge fucking mistake.

Dear Diary, let’s talk Rooting & Stabilization.

As someone in my twenties, trying to navigate establishing an ideal and sustainable life, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. We're bombarded with expectations, financial pressures, and the dizzying array of choices that could define our future. Ignoring any "piece of the pie"—be it unresolved trauma, self-sabotaging patterns, or external toxic influences—is only setting yourself up for a poorly baked future. Don't build a life on an incomplete blueprint; address every crack, every weakness, because you’re the one who has to live in that house. This isn't about dying physically; it's about "dying to the flesh"—

which means shedding old habits, mindsets, and energies that no longer serve thy highest self.

and I want to also credit my friend Heaven for introducing me to the term and the idea of what this rebirth cycle/process is. I’ve smashed plates before, and of course I journal and pray, but I’ve never made it such a “thing”.. but bitch this is the year where we’re taking self care beyond the surface.

Here’s how to officiate your own liberation if you’re into that kinda shit too:

Step 1: Ignite the fire & the Burning Desire to:

Fix Your Shit

First, you have to feel it in your bones, that undeniable urge to change. For me, it was a slow burn, then a sudden conflagration of "enough is enough." The initial step is always identifying the issue. This can be painful, swift, or a gradual dawning, uncovering external factors, internal struggles, or simply realizing you are the bottleneck.

hi. so, this is a bonus post:

bc God has been good to me, and I want to disseminate that progressive energy unto you. I’m also in a veryyy chatty mood. and this is the FIRST post to enable comments, so you can chat too! <33 that’s the first success of this post, and I’m sure you’re dyinggg to read all about the others.

so, first of all?

September has always felt like a Thursday. Not in the way that November does, but in new beginning, tomorrow’s Friday kind of way. If that makes any sense at all.

Not in the fireworks-and-confetti way of January, but more like a quiet, internal shift. Or it’s the vibe that if not already set in place, a shift should be occurring sometime in the near future. The air gets a little crisper, and there's a sense of return, of settling in and getting serious. 

#MakeupfortheModernDayDoll

Girl, I don't even know an accurate way to express this – because I am just that damn excited! If you're following me on social media, you already KNOW what just dropped... and for me? It's huge. Technically, it's a never-before-mentioned topic on this blog, so of course, I'm going to give you a dramatic introduction, set the stage, and then offer a little backstage action too!

We're strolling, sun's doing its thing, and I'm trying to channel my inner nature goddess. One moment, I'm marveling at the verdant expanse, the next I'm contemplating the sheer audacity of a park being a veritable metropolis for all things creepy and crawly (which like I can’t complain cause that’s totally their home and I’d be the invader) Trotting alongside ducks and trying not to get mowed down by someone on a fucking unicycle (girl yes, a unicycle!), we managed to soak up some glorious Vitamin D. then set some sights on what I’m sure was some form of a snail graveyard. It was giving very much "life is fleeting, even for gastropods."

But let’s get real. All I could think about was how adulting is a whole new level of "hard." Having a fucking vagina? Hard. Being a girlfriend? Difficult. Finding balance? Also hard. And don't even get me started on starting a business…. But let’s focus - I’m spiraling. 

For too long, I've cherished your beautiful inquiries, your heartfelt pleas for guidance in the artistry of makeup, in the bold venture of personal enterprises. And for a sec, I admit, I hesitated. But fret not. It is time to surrender to divine guidance, to embrace the very essence of the craft I was placed on this earth to share.

My purpose, my exquisite raison d'être, is undeniably clear: to extend a helping hand, to nurture a sisterhood through beauty, foster authentic connections, and above all, to ignite that radiant spark of confidence in every single darling soul, including my own. 

#ParkStrollstoChargetheEntrepreneurialSpirit

dear diary, learn why I quit my job and view my personal iPad notes from attending the Rise-Up Womanpreneur Conference.

These women, and so many others, were living proof of what happens when dedication meets divine purpose. A speech by Meghan Carew, the supervisor of a Women's Emergency Shelter and the visionary behind Grace's Door, left an indelible mark. Meghan’s initiative and her unwavering commitment to supporting women in dire circumstances stirred something deep within me.

With my own passion for healing the hearts of domestic violence victims, her words resonated with a profound intensity.

It was a powerful reminder of the impact one person, guided by purpose, can have on the lives of others. The sheer grit and compassion woven into the fabric of Grace's Door sparked a lil fire in my soul, pushing me to reflect on how I can better align my gifts with service to those who need it most.

All the mental gold I soaked up that day — the inspiring conversations, the powerful testimonies, the undeniable spirit of resilience – really weighed heavy on my soul.

So girl, I woke up that next morning in tears, and resigned from my new position at Crate & Barrel.

dear diary, DLFCE LLC turns Two!!!

I yearn for the familiar solace of my craft, the transformative power of makeup, the boundless realm of creativity.

I have SO much gratitude for all the support, the love, and the loyal community - and I hope everyone’s dreams literally come true. I plan to take the neccesary steps to enhance my personal brand, and achieve my best version of Proverbs 31.

dear diary, this post is 75% friendly criticism, 20% lip combo, 5% praise

The activity had me all over it, making it the perfect birthday excursion.

It’s also nearby a Sephora - which if I wasn’t going through birthday motions, I would’ve actually registered seeing and spent all my money that day (because I needed to claim my birthday gift ofc). This was the ONE appointment I technically wasn’t late to, because I pushed it back to 3:30 😍

dear diary, I am one step closer to renting a vehicle without an extra fee <3

The outfit hunt was a bit nerve racking.

We didn’t get a good group photo together at brunch.. or dinner lol. So I did include a photo of us at the Parthenon replica in Centennial Park, here in Nashville.

Get the scoop on my background in makeup - discovering the POWER of understanding color theory and corrector.

What do we think “CC” stands for?

is it cute cat? is it cool cucumber?? is it coochie cream???

TRICK QUESTION.

It’s all of the above.

But today, it’s ✨color corrector✨

I am NO thrifting expert.

I’m not even sure that’s a thing, but I have some fashionably thrifty friends who will eat you, me, and our grandmas up when it comes to a good find!

I am absolutely a fashion girly, it was my very first “love”, or passion - BUT my newfound vibe is thrifting ✨furniture✨.

Since moving between Nashville and Portland, my shopping habits have definitely evolved a ton.