September Seedlings 2.0 & Concrete Foundations
September has been a good month for the most part. If there is one overarching theme to these past thirty days, it is that when God says move, your best bet is to shuffle feet. I completed a full fast this month, go me. This month actually marked two years since I packed up and moved to Nashville, making one of the worst decisions of my adult life—which feels like a whole lifetime ago, and I've got a separate piece dedicated entirely to that milestone. I don’t have time to be sad about what could’ve been because I am about to move into my 4th apartment in this city, and the 2nd of my own. Shits about to get strict around here, but that is okay because I’ve been celebrating the past 3 months lmao. I even took myself out to a genuinely nice, fancy dinner and spent the entire evening purely in my own company, which is a luxury everyone should indulge in more often. Overall, I have had quite the fucking year, and this summer alone seemed like a whole other life chapter of its own.
I’ve been single all year. I've reconnected with nature, and my soul, and the lord, and distantly faded parts of my spirit that I thought were gone forever. I’ve overcame addictions, while occasionally smoking an entire pack of Virginia slims — but all in all, I am responsible for me. Through the power of God, I am able to keep me safe: something I’ve always wanted out of my life. I handle the unknown, have the hard conversations, make the difficult decisions. And again, all glory to God.. because I am constantly in a state of not knowing the how, or even sometimes why.. but I am now 100% confident in my ability to provide for myself and ALWAYS figure it out, no matter what.
The difference this time around is the peace. the minor preparation effort.
Hotels, first of all, are messy as fuck! It’s always some inside scoop on something. Someone always has animosity against somebody. There is always a new rumor going around, or a messy situation for the higher-ups to tackle in blatant privacy.. Chile even I had to go to HR this month!
You said quick tea time?
This stupid little raggedy bitch at my job, super dusty — tall, stale, but greasy wig wearing type, apparently went to my manager saying that she’s so sure I am selling it.. … and if you’re unaware, that’s calling me a prostitute basically. 😭 Girl! Bitch. When I heard that shit?! Like because word on the street is, they’ve (her and some random valet guy who actually did verbally say he is a jigalo) seen me with male hotel guests, in their rooms, kissing them in the hallways, leaving with flowers, and being picked up from work by random men.. one of which is my boyfriend, who I am obviously cheating on.. LMAOO like girl who pulls some shit like that out the sky and goes to AUTHORITY with such fucking nonsense, in attempt to get me to lose my job???????????????? Obviously, her raggedy ass did. It’s like girl, are you cool??? srsly. Luckily for her, I am cool with management, and whatever nigga she MAY have an issue with me over, got fired and should be facing jail time because she’s like 19 and he was 27 apparently. Like bitch pls! Not only are you likely projecting because clearly YOU’RE selling it, but also.. get real ho. If I was selling my ass?! You and I wouldn't be working at the same place honey. I’d be bent over a balcony in Spain, fucking sprawled out on a yacht deck, very much on high ticket pussy timing. Beyond that, I enjoy the connections i’ve made and have maintained as I wrap up the summer months. It’s like the universe collectively decided this was the month for social triage and community building, so I’m not mad at it.
On the dating front? Still dipping a toe in with the same guy a little bit, but I'm actively trying to wing off of it. It’s obviously not going to evoke any real longevity from either of us, so I’m good on that. We are leaving low-vibration placeholder energy in the rearview, and that sounds so harsh and rude considering I think what we have is real. LMAOOOO, like girl pls! The central fact is: just because you can “use” a man, doesn’t mean you should. This applies less from a financial standpoint, at least with this specific situation? Because in this term of being single and out for the mingle, I’ve absolutely had to turn down some financial propositions out of respect for my own pride. But with this scenario, I am speaking more on the soul side, the sexual side, the emotional side! Using a man for his masculinity, or his professional advice.. yk? that sort of thing. But, like I said:
JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD.
Some seasons, God might be calling you to learn HOW to accept help.. while others might require you lean not on your own understanding, but 100% on him.
Considering the drastic effects that my last relationship had on me, I think it’s safe to assume my assignment is to lean on the Lord right now, LMAO. Cause as soon as one thing doesn't add up with what a man says, or they press me about sex, or they say age is nothing but a number, or insinuate that them simply being present in my life has the ability to change my life for the better, the likelihood of me going ghost and sending him to the chambers of my block list, becomes significantly higher.
