August & The Art of Aliveness .
Hello, Hi, How are you? I’m doing.. okay enough to be content, but discontent enough to have the desire to be better. If you looked at my journals for August, you’d see a frantic trail of receipts and locations: Red Bicycle, The Pharmacy, The 1 Hotel bar, an art show, accidentally falling asleep outside, went to the Omni, the Don Toliver Concert, and to The Night We Met since the 1st time I went and got into it with my ex.
the themes were already laid out plain as day: Hippy shit, being out of touch with spirit and reality, relapse, dating, reprioritizing, and avoidance coping.
This month, I’ve watched 5 sunsets. On August 20th, I sat up at Capitol Hill watching the clouds scatter. It was windy, pretending to be 76 degrees instead of 85, and the trees weren't doing their usual "clapping" routine for me. The sky was a split narrative—dark and gloomy on my side, but casting a faint, gorgeous pink where the sun was breaking through for whoever was lucky enough to be past the clouds. Today, on August 25th, the skies cleared up. The sun was setting with a minor breeze, the trees finally started tapping for me again, and life felt good. Not just "okay," but genuinely good—with the firm knowledge that it's about to be fabulous and amazing. Because let’s be real: even in the middle of a relapse, a girl still knows how to pivot. Let’s carve out some space to talk about dating, because my proven theory remains undefeated: getting rich men to buy you drinks and drop high-level professional knowledge for absolutely zero reason other than you're gorgeous, real, and holding your space is a science. You don't lose your edge just because you stumbled; if anything, you collect the game and keep moving.
The real tea is: there is a new love interest.
Earlier in the month: I went to Love Circle to smoke with a guy I met 5 days prior at the Real Estate Mixer. He’s cool. Almost too cool. like.. popping pussy potential cool. LMAOO, omg. Girl. At this point, we’ve hung out a few times, and only once was it not in public.. and that was the day we met. I ended up at his apartment — 😭 But anyway, why do we like him?! It’s honestly like, not concerning? because we haven’t made any moves or like, even kissed. BUT, like why do I kinda want to??????? Idk. It’s problematic. Interestingly enough, any time I’m with a guy and are about to unknowingly put myself in the position to be sexed on, my period ruins that moment the morning of. I’ve noticed that?? and it’s so ironic because I won’t even know that I’ll end up spending my evening/night with a man, but it’s like God makes sure my body subconsciously knows and conveniently inconveniences me from making a decision I might later regret. August taught me that backsliding doesn't mean you're lost for good. Every single day, the sun rises again to burn off the gloom.
We reprioritize, we drop the avoidance coping, and we step back into alignment—not because we're perfect, but because the desire for His will never actually leaves us.
